


Paradox

by ALPHAwolf



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: BDSM, Domestic Fluff, M/M, Mpreg, Smut, Ukabuko/ukabakuro? idk the spelling!, au travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 13:33:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7803826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALPHAwolf/pseuds/ALPHAwolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shizuo wakes up one morning to a world on it head and Izaya by his side.<br/>Celty isn't headless, he's married, the Flea is sane and has somehow multiplied!<br/>Without a clear way back he tries to endure the topsy turvy world he's been thrown into without snapping this new version of Izaya in half, and who knows, maybe he just might enjoy the break from his version of Ukabuko.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All the usual disclaimers! Enjoy!

Light streamed through the half open window onto the bed, slowly rising with the sun and inching up to the blonde's face. Shizuo's eye twitched as the light reached his head, yawning and rolling over to avoid the morning rays and the day it brought. He was content to snuggle into the thin body beside him, which rolled over in his arms, face rubbing into his chest. The blond relaxed and took a deep breath, nose filling with the bitter sweet scent of 'Flea', and sighed.

Shizuo's honey eye's suddenly shot open, a wave of confusion hitting him.

Izaya yawned and snuggled into his chest more, his hug around Shizuo's waist tightening. It was now the blond found he wasn't wearing a shirt.

In the near distance the cry of a baby sounded, shocking the debt collector frozen again, when he had been about to smash the Flea's head in.

There was a baby and a Flea in his apartment.

Izaya groaned into Shizuo's chest.

"Don wanna ge' up." Shizuo's eye twitched as Izaya kissed his chest. "Mornin'"

"Mummy! Daddy! Wake up!" The door burst open, revealing three mini Fleas in pyjamas. The tallest, probably only five or six, held a baby flea, the other flea around three or four holding the door open.

They rushed over and crawled onto the bed giggling. Shizuo was too stunned to do anything and remained still as Izaya rolled onto his back, the eldest child Flea passing him a crying baby Flea, which he smiled sweetly to and kissed on the cheek with a hush.

"Mummy! I want pancakes for breakfast!"

"Sure baby."

"I'm not a baby! I'm six! Luka-chan is the baby!" The eldest insisted, pointing to the little baby who was busy playing with Izaya's hand. Izaya giggled at the children and gave them all a big group hug, kissing the laughing children repetitively.

"D-daddy-! Save us!" The eldest begged between giggles looking at Shizuo.

"Daddy!" The younger said, reaching out for Shizuo also laughing as Izaya gave him a raspberry on his stomach.

"Nothing can save you from my love! Mwahaha!"

Shizuo watched, unable to compute the insane situation as he sat stunned.

Izaya finally let the two mini Fleas free, still smiling.

"Go get dressed you two! I'll make pancakes in a minute."

"Okay~!" The older one sung happily, jumping off the bed nimbly and running around to Shizuo's side.

"Yes mummy." The smaller crawled over to Shizuo and hugged his neck while the other hugged his arm, both giving him a kiss on opposite cheeks. Shizuo's eyes widened and Izaya giggled.

"Morning daddy!" The older than rushed off, waiting by the door for his brother.

"Wuv u daddy." The smaller than crawled off the bed and waddled/ran after his older brother and out the room, the eldest shutting the door behind him after making a peace sign and winking cutely. Izaya laughed quietly and sighed, leaning into Shizuo's chest.

"I suppose I should go make pancakes now, but first~" Izaya let the baby down beside them on the bed, the child seeming happy to play with and chew on the white sheets. The dark-haired informant crawled onto him sexily, his naked lower body pressing into Shizuo's bare abdomen, leaving the blond speechless. "Think we can get a session in before they get back~?" He whispered sexily in the others ear, licking and sucking his ear and down his neck. "If you cover my mouth properly we can even use the whip again~ I love it when you spank me like that~ "

"Mummmyyyy!!! Maruku wants milk!" Izaya sighed as he was called by the oldest child Flea and pulled back from Shizuo, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips.

"You'll just have to chain me down and fuck me till I bleed later then~ Love you~!" With that Izaya gave him another kiss, a little longer than the first, and crawled off, putting on a pair of red jocks and picking the gurgling baby back up before walking out the room and shutting the door behind him, leaving Shizuo to wonder what the fuck had just happened.

Time to recap. Last night he had gone to work, as usual, chased Izaya around Ikebukuro, as usual, gone home and drunk a litre of milk, as usual, watch tv and gone to sleep as per the norm around eleven. What the hell had happened while he was asleep?! Unless he was still asleep? Of course, this must just all be a dream. Not even the Flea would pull a stunt like this. Maybe he ate too many sweets before bed last night and now he was having nightmares. Shinra had warned him of that.

Feeling a lot calmer with a plausible solution to the madness Shizuo got up and decided to just go along and do as he usually would. The room appeared to be the same as his room had always been, though with a few editions like the king-sized bed, a bigger set of drawers, and two bedside table drawers. He looked into the dresser, easily finding his usual bartender attire in the second drawer, under his and Izaya's underwear drawer apparently, though it appeared to contain women's underwear too.

Deciding not to question his brains odd behaviour as it would only give him a headache he dressed, feeling a shower wasn't needed, even if he now stunk of Flea.

He left the room in no rush, greeted by the sweet scent of pancakes and giggling in the kitchen. It looked as though he was still in his apartment, but it had more doors and an entire new hallway. It was cleaner than his house too, with soft plush carpet, expensive wood furniture and black comfy sofa's. Hanging on the wall was an array of framed photos. All of Izaya, him and the three children. One photo had he, Izaya, and the two eldest when they were younger in front of the Eiffel tower. They looked happy. Even he was smiling and hugging Izaya around the waist. In fact, in most of the pictures he was either hugging the flea or they were too close in some other sense. One highly disturbing picture had them dressed in tuxedos with him kissing, Izaya who had his arms thrown around him as he was lifted off the ground in a pretty little park.

His brain was truly disturbing. Ignoring the photo's now he followed the smell of pancakes to the kitchen. The three mini Fleas sat around the table giggling and playing with their food, a mess of strawberries and cream decorating the table. Izaya chuckled as he watched them. The idiot wore a frilly pink apron. Izaya saw him in the door way and smile, met with an odd, disgusted expression.

"What? Oh yeah, the apron. Blame Shinra not me." He said shrugging and returning to the frying pan.

"Hey daddy! I got an A++ for my English!" The eldest announce with a bright smile.

"We going too auntwees today?" The second eldest asked and Izaya nodded making the child look thoughtful before he giggled and kick his feet, stuffing half a maple syrup covered pancake in his mouth.

"Here," Izaya passed him a bento box filled with five pancakes, strawberries and a dish of cream. "Get going or you'll be late for work. Tom-san already scolded me for holding you up last time you were late. Say hi for us and invite him to dinner sometime."

"Bye daddy!"

"Bye bye daddy!"

"Hihiii~gogogaaa~aboo~!" Izaya chuckled and picked the pancake covered baby up from the high chair, following Shizuo to the door.

"You forgot to kiss the kids goodbye, make up for it later." Izaya gave him a peck on the cheek, seeming annoyed but keeping it down. "Have fun." Shizuo grunted in response and left, not noticing Izaya's wary expression as he shut the door.

Passing a trash can he threw the bento box inside. No way he was eating something Flea made. Probably poisoned.

Hopefully his and Tom's meeting place was the same as usual, he'd have no idea what to do for the rest of his dream if he didn't work. He could just relax he supposed. Fortunately for him Tom was there standing outside the usual cafe waiting for him patiently.

"Shizuo-kun."

"Tom-san."

"How's your family?" The dread-headed man asked as they began to walk.

"What?"

"Izaya and the kids."

"The hell you mean they’re my family?"

"Well you are married to Izaya. That makes you family." He deadpanned calmly.

"As if I'd ever marry a shitty Flea like him." Tom rose an eyebrow and stopped walking.

"Are you alright? Did you bump your head at all?"

"No, why is everyone saying crazy shit!? As if I'd even willingly go near that bloody Flea!"

"If you don't believe me your wearing your wedding ring right now." Shizuo looked down to his hand.

"There's nothing there."

"Other hand." Shizuo redirected his gaze and sure enough there was a golden band around his ring finger.

"The fuck did that get there?" Shizuo mumbled.

"Shizuo, are you okay?"

"I'm fine! You’re the ones that need help! I'd never marry that stupid, bossy, crazy bastard!" He was ready to rip someone’s head off, even the suggestion of him and Izaya in a relationship pissed him off.

"Are you angry at Izaya because of his job again?"

"What?"

"Because he keeps getting injured and everything, being an informant."

"I fucking hate the Flea!"

"Now Shizuo, I'm sure you'll forgive him soon enough. He's not that bad and he loves his job. You can't keep trying to make him quit."

"What the hell are you talking about!?"

"Speak of the devil. Looks like he's being chased again." Shizuo looked behind him where Tom was focused, seeing the ravenette Flea speeding down street with a black license plateless car after him.

"Looks like yakuza." Tom commented indifferently. Shizuo wasn't listening. Something about the Flea being chased by someone other than him in his dream pissed him off as much as the real Izaya did.

Izaya jumped onto a trash can and up onto a vending machine, dodging bullets as best he could. Readying to jump onto a street lamp to get to a clear roof he was suddenly jerked down by his foot and fell messily into masculine arms.

"The hell you doing idiot?!"

"Trying not to get shot which I suggest you also partake in." Izaya said panting as the blond held him bridal style. Shizuo 'tch'ed and put Izaya down, walking over to the now stationary car. Izaya watched hiding laughter as the door was ripped off followed by the two men being grabbed and thrown screaming all the way to Russian Sushi on the other side of town.

The blond turned back around and stalked towards Izaya, who had a cheeky smile, doing his best to hide how ready he was to rip off his limbs.

"Thank you." Shizuo froze in front of Izaya, eyes wide. Fleas never said 'sorry's or 'thankyou's. Fleas didn't smile like that either, soft lips curled up just enough to show he was truly grateful and red eyes still burning with adrenaline.

"No problem. Be more careful." He found himself reply in a surprisingly soft way. Izaya nodded bashfully and groaned, looking at his shoulder and 'tut'ing.

"I'm losing my touch Shizuo. Bullet grazed my arm and my leg. It's all the pregnancy's catching up on me." The maroon eyed informant bent over checking that the wound on his calf was not to serious. Shizuo only stood watching, he'd hit the Flea with far worse, he'd be fine.

"Your surprisingly calm today. Usually by now you'd have picked me up like a sack of potatoes and taken me home to be punished for getting in trouble." Izaya whispered seductively. "I'm kind of disappointed, and I just dropped the kids off too~" The purr of his voice made Shizuo's neck tingle and his hand twitched as Izaya put his on the right of the blonde’s pelvis, the other side pressing into his.

"You can have today off and work a full Friday instead. You should both go to Shinra's and get checked out. Shizuo's been acting weird and I think he might have a head injury."

"So it's not just me, you are acting off today." Izaya said, sounding almost relived. "I was worried you were disappointed with last night~" He whispered. Tom was unfazed by the sight, probably a common occurrence. Shizuo was still adapting to the pleasurable feeling of their pelvises rubbing together, not registering the comment but noticing as his body reacted to the sexy tone. He pushed a small gap between them, making Izaya giggle at his half-hard-on.

Tom gave him an expectant look, causing him to pull a confused expression till, Tom pointed in the direction of Shinra's.

"Come on Flea." Izaya made a face and looked around.

"He means you." Izaya pointed to himself surprized.

"I don't need to go to Shinra's for this. You go and I'll see you later." Shizuo grabbed him before he could walk away and threw him over his shoulder.

"See you Shizuo."

"Mm." Shizuo gave an affirmative nod as Tom walked off.

Izaya sighed and made no move to escape as he was carried off, unbothered by the stares sent his way and poking his tongue out at those whom looked disgusted.

"Shizuo..."

"Mm." Izaya seemed disheartened by the grunt.

"... Nothing..." The blond didn't push and stayed focused on finding Shinra's place.

The Flea was really skinny. He could feel his hip bones and the first of his ribs pressing into his stomach. His legs were long and skinny, just like his arms. No fat, just enough muscle to jump around like a child who'd drunk red cordial. He had basically no ass or thighs too, just a bit off muscle, though he did have a nice pert and squeezable ass.

"You’re too skinny. Eat more." Izaya chuckled at this.

"Don't worry, I'll put on weight soon. It'll seem like I'm eating for three." Shizuo gave another grunt in approval, followed by Izaya sighing and slumping just that little bit more. The rest of the walk passed in silence till they arrived at Shinra's door, ringing the doorbell. It took Celty only a few moments to answer in her cat-eared bike helmet.

"Shizuo! Izaya! Come in." Shizuo looked around confused as to what foreign woman seemed to have said that.

Before him Celty removed her helmet, revealing her pale European face and big smile. "Don't just stand there! Come in! I'll make some tea, is Izaya injured again?" She placed her yellow helmet by the door on a desk, leading them into Shinra's. Shizuo followed, feeling confused as to when Celty found her head.

"Just a few bullet grazing’s, nothing serious Celty-san." Izaya responded. "You can put me down now mister caveman." Shizuo held back a glare and put Izaya down.

"Shinra! Izaya and Shizuo are here!"

"Coming my angel-cake!" Celty rolled her eyes with a blush and chuckle.

"We're really here to get Shizuo's head checked out. He's been acting weird all day, even Tom noticed. It's like he doesn't even care about me and the kids." Izaya whispered the last part, looking glumly at the ground.

"Of course he does! How are the little sweethearts? Haven't blown up any classrooms?"

"Ezukieru has only done that once." Izaya said matter-of-factly, looking rather snobbish. Celty giggled again and nodded with a sweet smile. "Are you still free to babysit Maruku and Luka-chan tomorrow?"

"Of course!" Shizuo came to realize Celty had quite a loud, happy voice, in a nice way. It made you feel bubbly and uplifted.

Shinra entered the room and practically skipped over to Celty, wrapping his arms around her back and kissing her on the cheek, making her giggle.

"Good morning you two. What brings you here?"

"I need a patch up and to talk to Celty. He needs a head examination."

"Very funny."

"I'm serious. Tom-san let him off work to come to the doctor he's been so odd."

"Really? Okay, Celty my darling, as hard as it is to part from you my sweet!" He took her hand and kissed it. "I must do my duty as a doctor! As my wife please care for Izaya! But not too much." He added, giving her a peck on the lips. She rolled her eyes with a little blush and took Izaya's hand, walking off.

"Don't try anything funny, Flea." Shizuo practically growled making Izaya almost jump and become solemn, walking off after detaching his hand from hers, looking ready to cry. Celty gave him a disapproving look, almost angry, and rushed after him to the patient room. "You let them go off like that?" Shizuo asked turning to Shinra, who looked extremely concerned.

"Of course, their good friends after all. Did you just call him 'Flea'?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Cause he is one."

"Did you two argue?" Shizuo growled and rubbed his eyes.

"We didn't argue because your all crazy people!"

"I'm sorry?"

"This place is all fucked up!"

"... Let's sit down Shizuo." Shinra lead the ready to snap blond over to the couch. "Shizuo... Where are you?"

"Your place?" The blond asked confused by the question.

"Okay then... What middle school did you attend?"

"Raira."

"What is your brother's name?"

"Kasuka."

"Good. Okay, what were your first words to Izaya back in middle school when you first met?"

"What the fuck is a question like that?"

"Just try remember Shizuo."

"... I said 'I don't like you'."

"No, they were 'I like you'."

"No they weren't! Why the fuck would I say I like him! I fucking hate him!" Shinra looked really confused and worried.

"Shizuo, what was your and Izaya's positions at Celty's wedding?"

"You married Celty?!"

"Yes, remember, you were my groomsman and we dressed Izaya as a girl and he and his sisters were Celty's bridesmaids. Ezukieru was the ring bearer. I gave her her head when I proposed, do you remember?"

"Who the fuck is Ezukieru?!" Shock cast all over Shinra's face.

"He's your eldest son."

"One of the mini-Fleas?"

"I, suppose... You have three children with Izaya, Ezukieru who is six, Maruku is three, and Luka just turned one. You bought him a fur trim baby suit with dog ears to match Ezukieru, Maruku and Izaya's last week. Remember?"

"This is so fucking twisted. You gave Celty her head?"

"Yes, you and I spoke about it. I had Izaya watching over it for me, then I decided her happiness was more important than mine. It turned out she didn't lose her memory as I had feared. Everything worked out well. We babysit your children often as we can't have our own. Turns out Dulahan’s can't bear children."

"How the hell do me and Izaya have kids!? He's a guy! Isn't he?" Of course he is, Shizuo thought, recalling that morning when he had very clearly felt Izaya's member on his abdomen. Maybe he was a transvestite?

"Izaya is a man, yes, but he was born also with a working uterus as well. Usually it would have been removed at birth. Though it is hard to access it appears you have mutant-strength sperm that always seems to find its way." Shizuo's face contorted in displeasure.

"Gross."

"You never used to think so. Back in school you were always trying to get Izaya pregnant, and it didn't take long for him to get there. It would have been even quicker if he hadn't insisted you always wear protection because he didn't want a child interrupting both of your school life's. He has always been adamant on your need for education." Shizuo looked torn between confused, angry, and in deep thought. "Ezukieru was born in our last year of high school."

"He's... six now?"

"Yes."

"How old are we?"

"Twenty-four."

"A year older..." Shizuo mumbled seeming thoughtful.

"A year older huh? Shizuo I believe you are suffering from a concussion. I won’t ask you if you've hit your head because you wouldn't remember. These might help." Shinra stood up and took a large black and white photo album out of the bookshelf, passing it to Shizuo to look at. Shizuo looked to him hesitantly, opening the book to the first page when Shinra gestured him on.

He skipped through Shinra's childhood and middle-school life, uninterested in the snot nosed brat and his odd family, the doctors hand stopping him as he came to the high-school section. He skidded past the class photo's, slowing as he came to selfies of the three of them. Shinra, Izaya and Shizuo all sitting on the roof by the looks of the background, pulling faces. They seemed like good friends. As the pictures went on you could see Izaya never wore his uniform like usual. Then came the pictures of the Flea on his lap, the two feeding one another on various double dates with Shinra and Celty. In all the pictures they seemed attached, and they loved it. Shizuo continued to turn pages and rose a brow as he saw pictures of Izaya in a girls uniform blushing, next to it a note saying Shinra had forced him to for a dare. In another Izaya and Shinra were both dressed as maids, posing for some sort of maid cafe at a school festival. Shizuo didn't realize he had begun to smirk.

Then came birthday pictures. They all looked so happy, Izaya seeming especially elated on his birthday when Shizuo gifted him with a teddy bear that had stitched on 'I Love You'. Like, really happy by the way he was eating his face. Younger Shizuo seemed to have been enjoying it though.

Celty still had no head in the photographs, even when they had thrown her a surprise birthday party, apparently since she felt left out. On his birthday Izaya had given him a no-smoking sign shirt as his main gift, in the caption it read 'Izaya gifts Shizuo something to help him stop smoking and explains he gets other gifts in private later.' Shizuo smirked at the typical perverseness Izaya appeared to have. There were also pictures of them all enjoying themselves at amusement parks all together, Russian Sushi and other various double dates.

The next page made Shizuo's eye widen. The first picture was of him and Izaya in bed, naked covered in a white sheet. Izaya lay on top of him making a peace sign and winking, poking out his tongue at the cameraman while Shizuo smiled, looking as though he'd just woken. They both had messy hair and looked tired. It certainly wasn't your typical photo album image, and he gave Shinra a concerned look.

"Haha sorry, Celty took that when I got her a camera. It's one of her favourites."

There were more nice photo's after, pictures of the city from rooftops, his and Izaya's silhouettes kissing on a high-rise at sunset, Celty and Shinra doing the same but hugging with a smoke heart above them since she had no head. Another full-page spread was devoted to Celty making shapes out of her smoke.

Shizuo stopped dead as he turned the page again. Izaya was pregnant in these, his stomach slowly growing with Celty feeling his stomach for kicks and Shizuo hugging him from behind lovingly. Izaya was still pregnant when they had graduation photo's, though it wasn't very obvious. Next came more pregnancy photo's, these labelled 'Ezukieru'. Izaya looked ready to pop. And he did. Celty had taken pictures of the birth. Izaya had to have a C-section, which wasn't pleasant by the look, but to see how Izaya cried in happiness as he held the baby and how happy they both were. He looked completely content himself, holding Izaya as he was stitched up, looking ready to fall asleep. The three of them had all fallen asleep on the hospital bed in the next picture with Shinra, the twins and Kasuka asleep in the chairs beside them. The caption read 'Sleeping after a long night of labour'. Shizuo chuckled at the pun.

Next came Ezukieru's birthdays, Shizuo finding himself smiling like an idiot at the small smiling baby that always seemed covered in some sort of food or paint. He never wanted the pictures to end.

Then came Celty's engagement and wedding photos. Shinra proposed by giving Celty back her head where it all began back in Scotland. The first thing she did when she replaced her head was cry, and kiss Shinra several times under the tree she had first lost her head, her headless horse by her side. Their wedding was beautiful, Celty wore a white flowing dress as she danced around with Shinra and stood with him at the alter in happy tears, Izaya standing close by holding a blue bouquet with a soft grin in a maroon red, tight short-cut cocktail dress that suited his little sisters'. You could really only tell the difference between the three siblings by Izaya's height and their separate hairstyles.

The wedding photo's continued on, Shizuo feeling as though he really had been there in some sense, and at the same time wishing he really had. By the looks of things he and Izaya had a really good night after.

Next came the photo's labelled Maruku, sure enough the pregnancy photos dated some months after the wedding. They had definitely had a night worth remembering after their friend’s wedding. Unlike the last pictures Izaya had Ezukieru as a three-year-old while also pregnant. Celty and Shinra had many pictures with Ezukieru with Izaya bulging at the stomach asleep on the couch. Kasuka was featured in a few pictures too, though not as much as the twins.

Maruku's birth was much the same as Ezukieru's, but it all seemed so different and perfect all the same as he held the sleeping newborn in a photo, looking down at it with such love and wonder.

He'd never trust himself to hold a baby. It would break, but he looked so calm and happy. He wanted that. Who knew the Flea of all people was able to give it to him?

Maruku was far less messy in his birthday pictures, but always trailing after his older brother or clinging to his parents.

Shinra felt the need for a cigarette as the pictures of his son ended, interrupted by Shinra and Celty's wedding anniversary pictures, which he quickly flicked through, looking for more of his little 'family'. He sighed with content as it came to his and Izaya's wedding pictures. the caption next to the first picture of Izaya taking a selfie holding up the silver wedding engagement band read 'After year of asking and asking Izaya finally agrees and sends us a selfie of his new collar'. Shizuo chuckled and flipped through the wedding photos, smiling at how uncomfortable and out of his game Izaya looked all through the wedding. It was cute. As soon as he had his children back in his arms he seemed fine again, looking relived the altar and vows part was over and done with. They had both honeymoon and two anniversary pictures at famous monuments, the children always with them, stuck to him or Izaya. He smiled as he came across the one of them and the Eiffel tower. Looking back at the picture again he saw a slight bulge on Izaya's stomach. So that was why that one was framed in the centre. It had all five of them. Next came the pregnancy pictures and then the birth, Shizuo's expression always so amazed and Izaya so relived. Luka was another messy baby like his oniichan.

He came to the last page in the photo album, a A4 group picture of him, Izaya, Shinra, Celty, Luka, Maruku, Ezukieru, Kasuka, Miru, Kuiru, Tom, Simon, Kida, Masomi, the Saika Anri girl he wasn't too fond of, Dotachin and the other Dollars members who drove the van. They all looked happy. Izaya sat on his lap holding newborn Luka, Maruku and Ezukieru hugging both his sides and being hugged by Shizuo. Shinra held Celty standing behind them. The picture seemed to have been taken at a hot pot party at his apartment.

His hand slowly trailed over the picture, over his little five-person family. He wanted all that, how happy they all looked, how beautiful Izaya's smile was, how beautiful their children were. How not crazy they looked. He wanted all this.

"I'm dreaming..." Shizuo mumbled to himself.

"You’re not dreaming Shizuo, this is real."

"This isn't real."

"It is."

"No it's not! We hate each other, we always have! Ever since I first saw him we've been worst enemies!"

"Hmmm... You said your first words to him were 'I don't like you'?"

"Yes!"

"And since then you've been enemies?"

"Yes! I chase him out of Ikebukuro weekly! I throw vending machines and trash cans and stop signs at him and I laugh when I hit him! Our lives evolve around killing each other! He sends gangs after me! He slashes me and giggles like a fucking maniac! He's mentally fucked and has hobbies like tricking people into committing suicide and laughing at them! How the hell could I be with someone like that?! All he ever does is call me a monster and make my life miserable! Celty hates him, you hate him, everyone hates him! Celty has no head! Ikebukuro is one of the most dangerous places in Tokyo! Gangs are at each other’s throats because of him! All I want is NO VIOLENCE!" Shizuo was ready to throw the table across the room, the piece of furniture lifting off the floor.

"Wow wow wow! Calm down Shizuo! I need that table. Now sit, I think I have a theory." Shizuo rose an eyebrow and slowly put the table down, going back to his spot on the sofa. "Now hear me out." Shinra took a deep breath. "You, are from a different dimension, an alternate future depending on your first words to Izaya." Shizuo nodded slowly as Shinra gave him a moment to process, the blond looking dumbfounded. It all made sense if you put it like that. "You need to make it right."

"Huh?"

"You have to fix your Ikebukuro and make everything right."

"...How." Shinra shrugged.

"You broke it, you fix it."

"But I don't even know how I got here, how do I get back?"

"Who knows? It'll probably happen itself. I suspect Celty’s magic is doing something weird."

"Celty has magic?"

"Sort of. More like jinxes and accidental switches. She is a fairy breed after all, she keeps accidentally turning the milk green too." Shizuo made a face that of a reaction to a rancid taste. Green milk was no okay unless it contained spearmint or sweet green tea.

"Shizuo?" The blond looked up to see Izaya poking his head into the lounge, looking concerned. "Are you okay? You sounded upset before." Shizuo couldn't help smile at Izaya, so sweet and caring underneath all the insanity and rejection, which was apparently his fault.

"I'm fine." Izaya nodded, but seemed unconvinced, gulping and speaking quietly.

"You've never been angry like that. What's wrong?" He hadn't? But he'd barely lost it at all, surprisingly. All the domestication apparently mellowed him.

Shizuo stood up and walked over to Izaya, Shinra and Celty making themselves scares for the two's privacy, Shinra confident Izaya was safe even with this mentally unsettled version of the Shizuo they knew and loved.

The debt collector stopped in front of Izaya and tentatively touched his head, amazed at how softly he could handle such a delicate skull, and how it leant into his hand with a beautiful smile.

"Nothing, just a little concussion. I'm sorry if I scared you." Izaya sighed relived.

"Nah, I was just worried." Shizuo smiled, the blackette hugging around his neck and resting into his chest as he was held.

His wounds had been bandaged up, three bandages on his shoulder, shin, and his thigh, which Izaya didn't seem to have noticed earlier or hadn't thought worth mentioning.

"What's that from?" Shizuo asked prodding the bandage softly with the flats of his fingers, like tapping a tune.

"I accidentally nicked myself on a sharp edge while I was running. Didn't even noticed I'd got cut." Shizuo nodded and stayed holding Izaya in silence for a few more moments, drowning in the once annoying scent of the Flea. Now he was actually calm enough to realize it was a kind of sweet smell. "Hey, Shizuo."

"Hm?"

"I have something to tell you..." Izaya pulled back to look up at him, unwilling to let go as the blond waited expectantly. The informant was biting his bottom lip nervously. Cute. "I've been trying to tell you, and you haven't been getting my hints... But, I'm worried to say so don't freak out or anything okay? No matter how many times I've told you I can't seem to be comfortable with it..."

"Yeah?"

"...I'm pregnant..."

Shizuo froze.

Waking up to kids surrounding you claiming there yours was nothing like the shock of being directly told your, or rather a better version of you, husband/wife thing was pregnant. "There's an eighty percent chance it's twins." He said, looking like he was trying to hide his excitement for Shizuo's sake. The blond took a moment to get his head around it and smiled, knowing he needed to play the part of 'perfect Shizuo' for 'perfect Izaya's' sake.

"Great."

"Really?" Izaya broke into a grin.

"Of course, just a few more to love." Shizuo went to kiss Izaya's head, to feel that contact. Instead Izaya took his face and smashed their lips together, tongue and all as he hungrily ate Shizuo's lips, the blond moaning and kissing back just as feverish as his partner. Izaya panted between kisses, eyes already glazed with lust. His voice came out in gasps as he began to rub up against him, creating that delicious friction even better than earlier.

"Shizuo-ah-take-mmmm-me-haa-home-mmm-and-oooh~fuck me-ohahh-raw-nnn~" Shizuo growled hotly making Izaya shiver.

"Keep being so damn sexy and we won't get home."

"nnnm~ but Shizuuoooo~ I want the whiiip~" Izaya was swaying his hips around and rubbing up against him, his body hot and his erection dripping within his pants at the thought.

The idea was more than appealing to Shizuo, beating his worst enemy and having him get off with it? This was more than a turn on. He didn't even remember why they had started kissing.

Shizuo grabbed Izaya's hand, bolting out the door with the other hot at his heels, both desperate to get home. It was like a blur from Shinra's door to theirs. As soon as the front door shut Shizuo had Izaya pressed against it, grinding into his ass as the other moaned like a whore and rubbed back.

"S-Shizuo! Oh, Fuck me so hard~" Shizuo growled and began ripping off their clothes, the two tripping up and bumping around on their way to the bedroom, clothes carelessly tossed away in a scandalous trail.

Their bodies were on fire, finally naked besides the bandages Izaya wore, Shizuo could barely think straight, the two biting and humping like animals.

Izaya panted as he fell back on the bed with Shizuo's lips on his chest.

"T-the box."

"Huh?" Shizuo never stopped rubbing their lower bodies together creating that delicious feeling as Izaya panted.

"U-under the bed~A-Ahhhaa-! C-close- Sh-Shizuo- M-more-!"

"Tell me what to do to you." The blond panted out.

"Make me cum-! Ahh-!"

"How?"

"S-sixty-nine?" Izaya asked with a blush, a cute and innocent expression. Shizuo immediately ducked down to Izaya's crotch, taking the length in his mouth and treating the bitter member like a lollipop.

"T-that's not-s-sixty-nine!"

"Close enough. Mmmm." Shizuo touched himself while he sucked, drinking the delicious sound Izaya made and the way his body convulsed as he licked different spots. Izaya screamed, clawing the sheets and bucking as Shizuo's tongue slid into the flesh of his sensitive tip, cumming instantly. Shizuo made a face at the odd taste and pulled back, milking Izaya with his hand as he did to himself, the white substance spraying onto his and Izaya's dick as he came not long after. Izaya panted under him and gave a little giggle.

"Now we're a little calmer, let's have some real fun." Izaya grinned cheekily with almost dangerous eyes. As he sat up and ripped off his bandages he looked like the Izaya Shizuo knew, that damned sexy insane little devil he just wanted to shove his dick inside and fuck to death in a dark ally. Shizuo moaned at the idea and groaned again as Izaya leaned over the bed, giving him a full view of his entrance with his naked legs wide apart. That was so deliberate. Shizuo groaned and touched himself as the hips swayed.

"Got it~" Izaya pulled a large leather chest out from under the bed, Shizuo moving to the bed edge keen to see. The black chest had a code lock which Izaya twisted to the right combination, opening it and letting it fall as he excitedly opened the chest of toys like a child would, though these toys were certainly not for kids. box chest was a set of all you could need sex toys, all matching S&M design and strapped to the chest somewhere or in a specific compartment. Shizuo stared in shock at the items. Various styles of vibrators, cuffs, bondage, straps, rope, whips, anal beads, mouth reigns, lube's, aphrostisiac bottles', nipple weights, a cock ring, and by then Shizuo's mouth was watering with all the images bouncing around in his head.

"Thank God my boss has good taste in birthday gifts." Izaya mumbled.

Izaya pulled out the velvet whip and leather bondage, cuffs and cock ring along with the anal beads. Letting the chest slam shut he moved over to the head of the bed facing away from Shizuo on his knees, holding all the items and looking over to the other with a dirty smile.

"Gonna tie me up so you can fuck me up reeeal good?" Shizuo was behind him in a second, helping Izaya put on the leather cuffs and fasten them up, finding they hooked up behind the headboard, screwed into the bed. Just like Izaya would be.

Izaya moaned at the restriction, hard-on leaking as Shizuo fastened the other bondage on, starting with the leather cock ring. Izaya groaned and humped the air with begging whimpers as Shizuo did it up, finding a small ball connected to a little chain on the cock ring.

"Put it iiin~" Confused he formed a brilliant plan, the smartest he'd ever come up with.

"Say please."

"Pleeease Shizuo."

"Please what?" He hoped Izaya took the bait, otherwise he could blame his lack of knowledge on the 'concussion'.

"Please shove it in my dick!" Oh, like in the little hole on the end. Now he got it. Izaya moaned a hiss as he pushed it in, bitting his lip and whimpering as he humped the air harder.

"Sh-Shizuooo-" Izaya whimpered and moaned as the rest was put on, thankfully very straight forward for Shizuo. Leather straps covered in chains held Izaya's legs wide open and his thighs close to his shins, back arched inwards and ass high. Another strap went around his neck like a collar, going down his back and chest, wrapping around his waist, just under his erect nipples and fastened with buckles. The straps went down his quads and connected to the straps holding his legs open, restricting Izaya's leg movement completely. It parted once the straps reached his abdomen and lower back, breaking into two separate strands, outlining his erection and going up his pert ass, the gap between the leather strands wide enough to reveal his open hole. The body strap came with a chain lead connecting to the collar and various points where you could fasten a person down.

Happy with Izaya's current stance and appearance he groaned, ready to hump the others leg if need be. Izaya moaned as the leash was pulled, opening his legs wider and showing his already swollen puckering entrance.

"Shizuo~ I've been bad~ Punish me~"

"Oh yeah?" Shizuo panted, only half listening as he kissed down Izaya's back and ass, right down the crevasse.

"Y-Yes!" Izaya gasped out, hips jerking. "I've been so naughty~"

"What did you do?"

"What do you want me to have done?" Izaya asked dirtily, licking his lips and swaying his hips. Shizuo was lost for words, making the informant giggled. "You know how you hate me touching myself? I did that~" Shizuo felt a wave of possessiveness, jealous of Izaya's own hands touching what was his. Growling he trailed his hands up Izaya's thighs'.

"God I was so naughty~ Spank m- Ahhh-!" Before he could finish his begging Shizuo hand had come down on his ass. Izaya moaned in struggle, eyes shut tight at the strangle of the cock ring that just stopped his orgasm. Izaya whimpered and swayed his ass.

"Sit still or you'll get a better one." Shizuo practically purred as he dragged the whip over Izaya's ass.

"Shit-! Yes! I love it when you spank me~ I love it when you whip my ass~ Ohhh Shizuoo~ Ahhh-!!" The bite of the whip left him panting, ass high and head thrown back. Yet another forbidden climax. God it felt so good. Again the sting came across his other cheek, back arching like a cat and gasping for air. It was electric, a buzz through your veins, making you beg for more. His legs opened wider, entrance soft and begging to be fed.

"Shizuooo-aaahhh!!!" Shizuo grunted in discomfort, so hard it hurt, but if his suffering meant he got to do this, he'd happily divert all attention to making that sweet little ass red. He wiped off the leakage from his member and softly rubbed it around Izaya's entrance, making the dark-haired beauty lose it. He was on the verge of tears wanting it all, wanting nothing, wanting the torturous pleasure Shizuo gave him.

Shizuo wiped the cum from their previous orgasms onto his finger and on Izaya's entrance, slowly pushing in, but no further than his knuckle, succeeding in making Izaya's entrance glisten and leak. It made him harder, wanting to lick and suck that pucker till they both came again and again.

His hand tightened around the whip in his hand and a wonderfully painful idea sprung to mind. He smiled, glad Izaya couldn't see the twisted expression.

"I'm gonna make you cry and scream." It wasn't dirty talk or even seductive, it was a promise. His lips lingered on the informant’s earlobe and Izaya moaned at Shizuo's whispered vow, ass tightening and body rising to press up against his husband. Shizuo pulled back and moulded him to have his legs wider and his ass higher, entrance puckered like a whore cat with its tail up. Izaya seemed to catch on, gasping and moaning in anticipation.

"Yes! God yes! Do it! Please! Oh God I want it! Whip me! Ooohh~ I'm gonna suck your dick so good later~ Please Shizuo~ Whip m-eeeee!!! Ahhh!!!" The whip struck twice in a row, tears filling Izaya's eyes as the whip kissed his pucker right down his crevice. "Yes! Oh God right there! More! Ah! Please! Ahhhhhh!!!" The next hit stung so good he lost the strength in his torso, hanging down from his cuffed hands, sobbing in pleasure. "Y-Yes-Ah-Sh-Shizuo-So good~"

"Dirty little masochist." Shizuo growled out, pumping himself furiously.

"Sh-Shizuo-The beads, p-put them inside, please!" Shizuo nodded with a quiet moan at Izaya's begging, picking up the set of seven red, five to twenty cent sized beads connected by a thin black cord. The plastic covered wire connected to a small remote like box with four buttons. pink, dark pink, cherry red, and deep red. Slowly he slipped them in, smallest first into Izaya's twitching hole that gladly swallowed them. Izaya whimpered and gasped as Shizuo suddenly shoved them all in, hungrily devouring Izaya's pain and enjoyment.

"Ready?" Izaya whimpered at the whisper, hands struggling to get free, desperate to touch himself like Shizuo hated.

"Put it on full!" The ravenette gasped out. Guessing full was deep red he pressed down, making Izaya cry out and begin to jolt. The beads made his hole tighten closed and vibrate, Shizuo experimentally tugged the cord making Izaya's body arch and his head throw back with a gasp.

"Shizuuooo, I wanna touch myself~ Ahh," Shizuo growled, biting softly on Izaya's back as he humped against his ass, the vibrations sending him wild too.

"M-nn- Only I- touch you."

"I-I wanna touch myself, I wanna play with my body-ahh! I wanna shove my fingers in my ass and have you watch while I tug on my nipples and play with my dick! Ahhh-!"

"Little fucking self-whore." Izaya screamed as Shizuo suddenly pulled away and whipped him right down his crevice, the vibrations making the sting last.

"Yes! Ah! I wanna fuck myself-Ahhhh!!!" Shizuo ripped the beads out suddenly making him cry out, tugging Izaya's leash and whipping down his ass again. Izaya screamed out, body shaking and dick ready to explode.

"S-Shizuo! I-I need to cum! A-Ah! I-I'm gonna burst!" The blond smile and undid the cock ring, removing it slowly so as not to push Izaya over the edge yet.

"P-please! Sh-Shizuo!"

"Spread your legs'." Izaya moaned and obeyed, wishing he could spread his cheeks himself so Shizuo could get straight in. The blond pressed only his tip against Izaya's pucker, thrusting in only the head. He held him still as he tried to move and impale himself in Shizuo's huge member, hips held down almost flat against the bed as he had a little fit. Shizuo carefully pulled in and out, enjoying the sensation of Izaya as his fuck toy. Izaya sobbed, begging for Shizuo's cock, so desperate to cum and right on the edge, but never tipping over with the blonde's tiny thrusts.

"P-pleahes! Sh-Shizuo, f-f-fuck meee, ah, ha, ah, I'll do a-anything! I-I'll be so good, I won’t touch myself unless you want me to! A-Ah-Shit! Shizuo!" Shizuo drank the begs and the tears going a full five minutes of barely thrusting till he was so hard and swollen that his self-control snapped.

Izaya screamed, cumming so hard it made him cry as Shizuo slammed in, his huge dick stretching his insides so ferociously it was as if he'd tear in half. Even after cumming he thrusted against Shizuo, enjoying his partner’s deep moans and groans as he thrusted into him like an animal. He was already getting hard again even after such a breathtaking orgasm.

Shizuo's thrusts were getting harder, and he'd be surprised if his ass bones didn't shatter, as they had once when they had had makeup sex after arguing. That was so God damn good, despite not being able to walk a month.

Tears dripped onto the bed as the dark-haired informant gasped and choked on air, body shaking.

"Sh-Shizu-o-" Shizuo growled and gripped his hips harder in response, making Izaya tighten around him and whimper. Shizuo grunted and gasped, the tightness setting him right on the edge. "Sh-shizu--ah-" Izaya panted as Shizuo's hands went from his hips to his dick, making him cry from pleasure. "Y-yes-! A-ahh-m-moore-ahh-" Shizuo grunted a moan as Izaya tightened every time he touched his sensitive head, gasping and making a broken scream as Shizuo pulled the skin back, exposing his tip. Shizuo used some of Izaya's drool to wet his already dripping tip further, enjoying the tight resistance that came around his huge cock as he did. Izaya sobbed from the overload, muscles tightening and mouth hung open in a silent scream as he saw stars, hips giving a small jerk as he spilled onto the bed. Shizuo's breath caught as he came, the spasming of Izaya's tight muscles milking him dry. Filled so much it overflowed and dripped out from his ass Izaya fell forward limply, held up his bound wrists and the strong arms wrapped around his waist. Shizuo panted and held Izaya close, salty sweat dripping from their body's. Slowly he pulled out from Izaya's tightness, both of them groaning as he did. Still panting he unhooked Izaya from the headboard and pulled the limp panting flea into his lap, gently taking off the bondage and throwing it on the floor, leaving them both perfectly naked.

Shizuo leaned back into the headboard, pillows supporting his back as he held Izaya close. The smaller moaned with a smile and snuggled into his chest, moulding perfectly into his body like puzzle pieces.

"Shizuo's so good in bed, you made me cum without even thrusting into my sweet spot~ No wonder I keep getting pregnant." Shizuo froze as Izaya sighed.

"P-pregnant. Shit, I forgot! A-are you okay, i-is it okay?" Izaya chuckled as Shizuo panicked, wrapping his arms around the beast’s neck and snuggling into it neck.

"I'm a little worse for wear but the babies' are fine." Izaya yawned shutting his eyes. "Remind me to suck you cock reealy good later. That was the best sex we've had in aaages." Shizuo huffed a laugh and slipped down in the bed, avoiding wet patches and shifting Izaya to lay on his chest.

"Hey Flea," Izaya didn't respond, the reason Shizuo found that he had already fallen fast asleep.

Shizuo chuckled at how typical it was and rolled his tongue. He really wanted a cigarette right now. As far as he could tell though, perfect Shizuo didn't smoke, and since he was kind of stuck under Izaya right now there wasn't much chance going and buying some. He sighed and shut his eyes, pulling the clean sheet that had been pushed aside over them, hoping he didn't roll into a wet patch while they slept.


	2. Chapter 2

"Come now, surely we can be friends, I know so much about you."

Shizuo rose his head from where it was buried in the pillow and looked towards the feminine robotic voice confused.

"I love you, look what I've done for you, you'd be nothing without me." It was coming from a mobile phone left on the bedside table, the creepy woman's voice backed by a robotic beat. The vibrations from the phone were irritating too.

Izaya groaned and cuddled into his side. So that hadn't been a dream, huh?

"Baby, turn off the alarm." Shizuo looked down at Izaya a moment slightly confused, still processing it was all real before reaching for the vibrating mobile and swiping the screen to shut it up. Izaya sighed contently and wrapped his arms around him, sitting naked on Shizuo's lap and leaning on his chest. "Ugggh, I have to go get Ezukieru from school." He turned his head to look up at Shizuo. "You remember where Miru and Kuiru live to pick up Maruku and Luka?" Shizuo shook his head slowly. "I'll get them then." Shizuo frowned.

"Tell me where and I'll get them." Izaya bit his lip looking hesitant.

"Are you sure?"

"M."

"You won’t lose your temper like earlier? You'd scare the shit out of the kids and I'd kill you for it." Shizuo smiled at Izaya's motherly instinct, so unlike what he was used to.

"Promise." Izaya smiled again and kissed him slowly, a hand going up Shizuo's chest and the other around his neck going into his hairline while Shizuo held him around his waist. Izaya's light content moans were sweet as honey, his tongue warm against Shizuo's. The blond moaned disapprovingly when Izaya pulled away.

"We need a shower before we go."

"Why."

"Because we are so covered in cum it's even in our hair." Shizuo rose an eyebrow. How'd that get it up there?

He let Izaya up off him and followed the skinny dark haired man to the bathroom-suit, eyes naturally following his pert ass and the cum leaking down his leg from between bruised cheeks. The blond licked his lips. His cum was like a glaze on the flea's skin, like a donut. Now he was hungry, in two ways. Izaya switched on the shower and stepped straight in, hissing at the cold water and shivering as he reached for the body-wash. Shizuo stepped in after him, wrapping his arms around the naked body as the water began to heat up.

"Let go or I'll be late, I hate picking Ezukieru up late."

"Why?"

"What if the other kids corner him or he gets hurt?!"

"Can't he defend himself?"

"Well, yes, but I hated being smaller than everyone and getting beat as a child because my parents always forgot to pick me up. I don't want him to go through any of that." Shizuo silenced his questions following the others personal splurge and hugged him tighter around his skinny waist, water cascading over his raven hair. "Besides," Izaya added, "Leaving the other two with my sisters for so long could be dangerous, or worse, traumatizing." Shizuo nodded but didn't let go. "Shizuo I need you to let go."

"I'll let you go if you eat more."

"Huh?"

"Too skinny. I can feel your ribs." Izaya chuckled.

"Just be glad you pulled me out of my anorexic stage when I met you, or I'd be a mess." Shizuo stilled as his cheek was kissed and let his hold loosen. Did Izaya's health and sanity really rely on him so much? Why hadn't he told him or something!? He would ask this Izaya but he had a feeling this Izaya's thoughts on the matter would too calm and sane to match his Flea's, which wouldn't help with dealing with that Izaya.

Izaya washed quickly and hopped out, going back into their bedroom with a towel on his head as he dried it, body dripping. Out of his trance Shizuo followed suit far slower than the paler, stepping out and turning off the water before grabbing a soft fluffy towel and wrapping it around his waist.

Izaya was already in his typical long-sleeve navy shirt and buttoning up his black skinny jeans. He stopped and looked over at Shizuo, biting his lip and stepping closer as Shizuo approached him. He let his hands rest on the monster's toned chest and almost moaned at the feel.

"Is it just me or are you even hotter than usual?" Shizuo shrugged, guessing he was in better shape than the usual Shizuo, and Izaya seemed to love it, he was loving the hands on his body too. "I'm gonna suck you so good later~" Shizuo wanted to grab Izaya's ass in that moment and give it a good squeeze, body heating up at the promise.

"Hurry and get dressed and I'll give you directions to my sisters'." Izaya then walked out, grabbing his jacket off the door hanger and walking out with a wink.

The blond dropped the towel and hurried to find clothing, the back of his mind still trailing after Izaya's sweet voice and honey promise.

 

§

 

It turned out Izaya's sisters lived in the other him's apartment in Shinjiku. After knocking on the door he had been greeted by the sister with longer hair, who seemed nice and not as insane as the one he had once been introduced to. Her big smile was rather blinding though.

"Shizuo-kun! Come in! Maruku and Luka will be here in a minute!" She then hurried off, leaving the door open for him to enter. He had actually been kind of worried about picking up the kids since he knew of Izaya's sister’s unhealthy obsession with his younger brother Kasuka, but they didn't seem completely crackers. Sure enough though the dvd cabinet held every Kasuka stared or even sublet film, along with an array of children's shows.

"Done." Shizuo turned his head to see the second sister with shoulder length hair and a blank expression standing in the open hall. She held Luka, who appeared to be dressed up as a little girl, and not too happy about it.

"Tada!" The sister with longer hair skipped over carrying Maruku, also dressed up in a pretty pink dress with his short hair in two tiny twin tails. Maruku screamed and began to thrash, face red and tear stricken. This in turn set Luka off. The girls didn't seem to notice. He took his previous observation back. These two were complete sadistic wacko's.

Holding back his boiling anger he snatched the two small children off the unfazed twins and began to comfort the two boys. He put them down and took out the twin-tails and plastic jewellery, carefully helping the two out of their clothes so they sat in only their nappies on the couch. Both stopped crying when they no longer looked like they were about to enter a beauty pageant.

"Where are the clothes they came in?" Shizuo growled to the girls. They both pointed to a bag in the corner decorated with children show characters that Izaya had probably left with them. He grabbed it and emptied the contents, riffling through the nappy's and bottles to find the two's clothes. He dressed Luka in a spare yellow Pikachu onesie he found and help Maruku into a fresh blue shirt and shorts. Both had immediately brightened up, giggling and smiling happily.

"We're leaving."

"Bye Bye!" Shizuo ignored the long-haired sister and picked the two up along with their bag, walking straight out the door without so much as a glance to the twins. He doubted they'd care anyway. He groaned as the urge for a cigarette hit him again.

"Dadwee," Shizuo looked down at Maruku who was hugging his neck. "Fank uu fo savwing uz fwom dem." Shizuo smiled at his cute little voice and bad speech. "I wiv daddy lots moow den auntwees."

"Good, they're nuts." Maruku giggled and kissed his cheek, cuddling into his shoulder.

A warm feeling started in Shizuo's chest and melted his entire being, breaking down so many walls he'd set up by such a small action from a toddler. It felt like he was already falling in love with Izaya and the kids. Though, oddly, this Izaya was actually less fulfilling to be around then his. Could he actually be missing the Flea? Crazy. Though he possible was. Perhaps crazy Izaya and crazy Shizuo were better matched than the domestic Izaya and him. It was mind-blowing the way everything seemed to fit if he had accepted Izaya rather than follow his instincts. How stupid it all was, crazy and seemingly contradictory, but none the less true.

The trip home seemed faster, both children fast asleep leaning their heads on his shoulders as he came to the door. He stood a moment, unsure what to do with both hands full. A further ten seconds in silence was devoted to thinking how to go about knocking without waking the two mini fleas. Truly this was a predicament, at least he thought that was the word. Whatever the word he had no idea how to do this without stirring the steady sleepers. Crying babies wouldn't be nice right now, as if there ever really was a nice time for it. He looked down and came up with a plan, lightly tapping the door with his foot.

"Coming! No need to kick the door so hard!" The door swung open to reveal Izaya looking irritated, in a white apron this time, Ezukieru standing behind his leg as usual. As soon as he saw it was Shizuo his irritation disappeared, looking relived.

"I only tapped." Shizuo said quietly, not wanting to wake either of the sleeping babes.

"I bet you did." Izaya whispered taking the sleeping baby from Shizuo along with the baby bag.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Shizuo asked, containing his automatic rage. Izaya only shrugged.

"Whatever you want it to." Shizuo sighed annoyed and followed Izaya with the older sleeping child, Ezukieru shutting and locking the front door behind him.

"Hi Daddy." Shizuo finally noticed the small child, looking up at him almost expectantly. Izaya said something about kissing them before he left in the morning, was he supposed to kiss him when he got home too?

"Hey." Shizuo leant over and kissed the boy on the head. His mood immediately brightened and a huge smile crossed his face as he giggled and glomped his father. Shizuo, shocked at first, chuckled and gave him a squeeze before letting go and standing straight to follow Izaya to the children's room.

Izaya had already put Maruku down to bed, his mini sized bed on the far wall with a small barrier around the edge to stop him rolling off. There was a wardrobe beside the toddler bed, also covered in stickers and a few kiddy posters. Luka's cot was against the left wall, a typical white wood cot that looked to have been drawn on with crayons and covered in stickers. A normal single bed was against the right wall beside another wardrobe. The walls were a soft blue, marked with colourful crayons and a few small gashes in the plaster and paint from toys. The round rug was also blue, like a little pond in the middle of the room. Izaya had put picture frames up in here too, countless pictures of them and the kids.

Shizuo placed the baby down on his back onto the blankets, not knowing whether to put him under the blankets or if it would suffocate him or something. Arms wrapped around his waist and body pressed against him as he pondered this, Izaya resting his head into the others back and sighing.

"We made that." Izaya said in a dream like voice.

"The cot?" Izaya made a little laugh.

"The baby you dolt."

"Oh..."

"We'll have another one soon." Izaya said snuggling into his back. "Or two." Shizuo looked down at the sleeping child feeling a little weird. This wasn't really his family, he felt like an imposter really. "I told Ezukieru, he's excited."

"Mm." Izaya chuckled lightly, the two standing in the dark.

"But he was worried it would mean he'd have to give up his room. What do you think we should do? Get a bunk bed for Ezukieru and Maruku or put the new baby and Luka in a new room?"

"Ask Ezukieru and Maruku."

"I suppose. Soon Ezukieru's going to want his own room though."

"Think about it later." Izaya hummed contently.

"Mmm, good idea. Come on, I'm making dinner and the sheets are in the wash so they'll be clean for later~" Izaya whispered the last part and gave his butt an unexpected squeeze before giggling cheekily and walking out. After recovering, backside still feeling weird after being squeezed, he followed him out of the room, leaving the door half way open and going towards the kitchen. Ezukieru was sitting at the kitchen table with a reading book and two colourful workbooks, looking focused as he practiced his kanji. Izaya stood behind him at the kitchen bench chopping vegetables. It was so, domestic. Almost sickeningly so, but somehow nice. This had been what he'd always wanted after all hadn't it? It just seemed something was missing somehow...

The small knife Izaya held sliced through the carrot, cutting it into thin pieces in a second. It wasn't threatening in the least though, as it would be if it were his Izaya. His Izaya hm? The insanity was missing in this place, that was the problem. Though, Izaya's sisters were still bat shit crazy.

"You sisters are nuts." Izaya seemed to realize he was there, as did Ezukieru.

"God, what this time?" Izaya all but groaned.

"They dressed Luka and Maruku as girls." Izaya seemed to flop in exhaustion.

"Ugh. At least it not as bad as last time. I'll need to find a new baby sitter though. Bet your happy 'bout that." He said sending his husband a smirk.

"Yep."

"Daddy."

"Hm?"

"What’s the kanji for elegant?"

"Don't ask your father, he's a Kanji idiot."

"I know animals and stuff."

"Sometimes I can't believe they actually let you graduate."

"I'm not an idiot." Izaya stopped what he was doing and just looked at Shizuo. "I'm not." He insisted.

"How hard did you hit your head?"

"Shut up you fu-"

"Language!" Izaya glared at him darkly, Ezukieru looking like he was about to giggle.

"N-never mind I remember now." Ezukieru said, doing his best to slowly draw the character, trying not to make a mistake.

"Good." Izaya then turned back around to finish preparing dinner.

"I'm not an idiot." The blond stubbornly insisted.

"Okay then, help Ezukieru with his homework." Izaya said hiding a smirk.

"I will." How hard could a six-year old’s homework be?...

What the hell was this shit before him?! One of these books wasn't even Japanese.

"E-e-engu-rishu?"

"I thought you were practicing your Chinese today?" Izaya commented.

"I did that yesterday." Izaya nodded and continued cooking while Shizuo looked at the other book, feeling sick and headachy at all the numbers on the page.

"They assign this sort of shi--stuff, to six-year old’s!?"

"No, I bought those for him." Shizuo stopped dead and picked up both books expressionless, throwing them towards the trashcan. "Shizuo stop chucking a tantrum just because it's too hard for you."

"Go play outside or watch tv."

"Now?" Ezukieru asked looking confused that his usual routine was being broken.

"Yes now. All this work will rot your brain."

"Okay! I'm gonna go watch tv!"

"Good." The boy ran off, abandoning his practice happily.

"Shizuo." Izaya's stern tone was peeved sounding.

"Your pushing him to hard."

"No I'm not!"

"He's six and you've already got him learning two languages. Let him be a kid."

"My parents pushed me far harder and-"

"And look how that parenting tactic worked. Do you even talk to your parents?"

"You know I don't, that's beside the point!" Shizuo walked over, coming to face the snappy informant.

"Calm down, just let him have some fun."

"Ugh, why are you always so carefree about education stupid?"

"I passed school didn't I?"

"With the bare minimum."

"That’s all you really need in the real world." Izaya groaned and mumbled something about talking to a brick wall before turning back to cooking and ignoring Shizuo.

Unbothered Shizuo stood and watched a few seconds before he heard something, followed shortly after by Ezukieru's voice in the lounge room.

"Mummy, Luka-chan's crying!"

"I got it!" Without further ado Izaya rushed off leaving the food to cook in the oven. "Shizuo!" Shizuo's head perked up as Izaya called, walking towards the children's room following the voice. Maruku and Luka were both in tears, Izaya gently swaying and hushing the smaller baby.

"Shizuo can you take care of Maruku? I can't do both right now." Shizuo nodded and picked up the snot face child, swaying him gently like Izaya did to Luka. Slowly Maruku began to quiet but showed no signs of going back to sleep.

"I'll take him to watch tv." Izaya nodded, still trying to calm the screaming baby.

Ezukieru was watching Astro Boy in the living room, staring fixedly at the epic fight scene. Maruku was put down beside him on the floor, watching just as closely as his older brother in complete silence.

Peace, besides the baby crying in the background.

"Shizuo!" He was again needed. He'd be lying if he said it wasn't nice to be needed and called for by a desperate sounding ex-nemesis. "Can you get Luka some warm milk!" Shizuo nodded to himself and stood, walking to the kitchen and taking recently cleaned baby bottle from the drying rack by the sink, also finding a nipple and lid before fetching the milk from the fridge and warming the bottle up in the microwave.

"Shizuo?!" Izaya sounded almost panicked as Shizuo walked towards the room.

"Here." Izaya spun around shocked as Shizuo came into the room with a bottle of milk. He sighed relieved looking thankful and took the bottle, which Luka hungrily latched onto.

"Wow he's hungry today. Did you make sure you used the baby mix not the toddler mix?"

"I used the milk."

"You’re supposed to use the formula."

"It makes no difference. I remember my mum telling me so." Izaya sighed.

"I suppose it's better than giving him the toddler mix. He was so hyper with that." Shizuo looked around confused as something started beeping. Izaya's head rose and he sighed.

"Here, that's the sheets finished drying. I'll go make the bed you watch the kids." Shizuo nodded, taking the small baby from Izaya and carrying it to tv room as it suckled the bottle like it's life depended on it. Shizuo smiled and gave a chuckle.

"You like milk as much as me huh?" He sat on the couch behind the two children, feeding the baby and also intrigued by the events on the screen.

It was getting late, already dark. The day had really flown by, though he had slept part. Izaya soon returned to the longue, taking Luka and burping him before rocking him gently, enticing the boy the sleep. The timer in the kitchen went off and Izaya made a quiet 'dammit'.

"I'll put him to bed." Shizuo offered to which Izaya smiled gratefully as he passed him the baby, kissing his cheek and walking to the kitchen while Shizuo tended to the baby. He swayed like he had with Maruku and watched as the baby slowly let its eyes droop, opening them back wide every now and then when he realized these diabolical parents were trying to trick him into sleeping when there was still so much to do and see! Still he slowly drifted off, curled up against his father’s warm chest. Shizuo smiled and took him back to the kid's room, slowly putting him back down in the cot and quietly leaving. By the time he returned Izaya was walking into the longue.

"Dinner's ready. Where's the baby?"

"Asleep."

"Really?"

"Mm." Izaya smiled in relief.

"Thankyou. Come on boys, dinner time." The three obediently went to the kitchen table. It was so much like a normal family, it almost scared him. Ezukieru and Maruku were talkers like Izaya, telling their parents all about their day and asking questions while they stuffed their faces. Getting Maruku to eat was a little of a struggle at first, but the promise of dessert quickly fixed that. Dinner was finished and dessert was served shortly after, ice cream and jelly for the kids and Shizuo while Izaya only had a cup of tea, insisting it settled his stomach after eating.

"Okay go play for half an hour, then showers and bed." The boys nodded and hurried of to the toy box in the tv room. Izaya sighed picking up the dishes.

"Bet you the second we walk put there it will look like a bombshell hit." He said filling the sink with warm water. "Can you dry?"

"Hm?"

"The dishes."

"Oh, sure." After they finished that Izaya went off to do some work on the computer while he watched the kids. True enough it seemed a rhino had run through the room. Oh well, they could clean it later. Izaya came back after a while and sighed at the rooms state before picking up the youngest child and announcing it was bath time. Shizuo was put in charge of bathing them while Izaya went to clean the mess. By the time Izaya returned, the room, and Shizuo, were dripping wet. It seems a water battle had taken place. The warm eyed 'mother' gave them a disapproving look, so different from the intense red Shizuo was used to when they fought, and the battle ended abruptly, returning to actual bathing before getting dressed for bed and brushing teeth. They were both already yawning while they cleaned their teeth, Maruku needing Izaya's help with cleaning his.

After their long day the two boys were put to bed and given goodnight kisses. Izaya sighed as they left the room, leaning against the wall.

"You sigh a lot." Shizuo pointed out.

"Just tired I guess." He ran his hand through his hair and took a deep breath. "Now, I did make a promise to you earlier." He said with a cheeky smile. "Once we brush our teeth we can get to that." Shizuo wracked his brain for the promise Izaya had made, concluding he must be talking about giving him a blowjob. Keen, he hurried after Izaya to their room to do as he had asked, the informant changing while he brushed his teeth. Using the mirror he watched as Izaya undressed, seeing his side view and getting a look at some of the hickeys and welts he had left earlier, as well as the wounds Izaya had gotten earlier. He practically drooled as Izaya turned his back to him and pulled of his underwear, a perfect view of the welts from the whip and bite marks on his ass.

The Flea pulled pants on all too soon, or tight boxers rather, followed by a plain grey hoodie made for sleeping in, which he didn't bother zipping up. Shizuo quickly looked away as Izaya turned around and ducked his head to spit and wash out his mouth. Izaya's arms wrapped around his waist and he pressed against him.

"Were you watching me?" You could hear his knowing smile.

"No." He grunted as his growing hard on was given a squeeze.

"Liar." The Flea whispered right in his ear, hands running up the insides of his thighs. "Go get changed." He gave him a light nip on the ear and took over the bathroom, Shizuo leaving to go change. He assumed the pyjamas would be in the bottom draw, and found his there across from Izaya's. He didn't bother with a shirt and took out a pair of long pyjama pants decorated with a blue overlapping line pattern, like you found on kilts. He stripped, throwing his clothes in the basket Izaya had, and put the pants on, scrunching up as he put them on over his growing erection.

Dressed he turned back to face the on-sweet, seeing Izaya shamelessly standing at the doorway with glowing eyes as he stared with a smile, toothbrush hanging from his mouth. Shizuo coughed embarrassed at his obvious hard on and turned away, Izaya giggling and going back in to wash his mouth out. At a loss Shizuo kind of wandered the room, not knowing what to do before he decided to lay on the bed, looking casual as possible with eyes shut laying his head on his hands.

Izaya's giggle came before his body crawled over Shizuo's, pressing their clothed lower bodies together, making Shizuo grunt and he moan as he kissed up Shizuo's cheek bone.

"Mmm, get ready big boy, I'm gonna suck your dick like I'm mad at it." Shizuo moaned as Izaya slipped down his body, tugging his pants down, feeling confused how dirty talk like Izaya's was such a turn on. The thoughts disappeared as Izaya held his dick, the tip of the man's tongue touching his exposed cock head before it slipped down to the base, beginning to nuzzle and suck there before going back up to the head. Shizuo let his head rest on the pillows as Izaya took the head in his mouth and swirled his tongue around it.

There was a reason Izaya used this as a reward, it was so goddamn good. He moaned as his member slipped deep inside Izaya's mouth, the ravenette beginning to bob and hollow his cheeks as he sucked. You could hear it as the Flea's warm saliva coated his dick.

Izaya's hands rested on his thighs as he groaned and arched his back upwards, Izaya swallowing the whole length, the head hitting the very back of his throat each time he bobbed down. The ravenette moaned, making Shizuo curse as his dick vibrated. He bit back another curse and reached down to grip Izaya's hair, making the smaller moan again. The sounds were making him hard enough, let alone the actual things Izaya's mouth were doing.

Izaya let his huge cock slowly slip out of his mouth, now fully erect and standing high itself. Taking the length in his hand again he began to kiss up the side, sucking lightly and biting softly. As Shizuo moaned he bit the side a little harder, kissing it better before licking around it. Light licking turned to full on tonguing his erection.

Shizuo was panting, eyes barely open as he looked up at the ceiling, clenching them shut and moaning as his member was swallowed whole again. The bliss he felt right now was as good as when he was slamming his dick into Izaya's ass, just a different kind of perfect.

He groaned again as he was lightly bitten, before Izaya let his member slip out of his mouth again. The Flea was panting too as he began rubbing his face against it, lips barely kissing, tongue darting out to lick every now and then.

"Shizuo." His voice was quiet and breathless from between Shizuo's legs as he called for him. The blond groaned and looked down at the other, their eyes meeting. Izaya's half lidded eyes were smiling like his small smirk, Shizuo's dick in his hand and pressed to his bottom lip, fully erect and swollen. Izaya opened his mouth a little and lowered his head, shutting his eyes and tonguing Shizuo's cock while he watched. That was it. Izaya barely had time to put his cock back in his mouth as Shizuo came with a long moan. Izaya milked him thoroughly, sucking hard as he could and licking up the excess.

The blonde's hand slipped from his hair as he lay back panting, Izaya pulling his pants back up for him and laying his head on his crotch, looking up at his husband, legs swinging back and forth in the air. Shizuo took a deep breath, still feeling the effects of his orgasm, and looked down at the other, groaning at the hot sight of his cute smile, cheeks and lips splattered with cum. Izaya's smile widened and he licked the sticky cum off his lips before wiping it off his face with his hand, licking it off his fingers, moaning with a blissful expression all the while. Shizuo reached down and lifted him up to lay on his chest.

"Damn sexy Flea." Izaya chuckled at this and cuddled into him.

"Hmmm, it's raining." He commented, making Shizuo aware to the fact, the rain drops pattering against the windows. There was a flash of lightning and Izaya groaned into his chest.

"Crap." The thunder followed and there was a scream from the kid's room. Izaya didn't seem panicked, so he didn't bother getting up, not surprised when the door flung open and the two eldest mini fleas rushed in. They quickly jumped up into the bed and glomped their mother, shivering. Izaya 'tch'ed and turned over to hug the two tightly.

Shizuo pulled the blanket up over them all as thunder struck again, Maruku whimpering while Ezukieru covered his ears.

"You better not have woken Luka." Izaya said looking at the two seriously. They shook their heads and cuddled into his sides as Izaya sighed. "Let me move, I can't sleep like this." He crawled off Shizuo and lay on the other side of the bed, cuddling into Shizuo's side. Maruku lay on top of his mother while Ezukieru cuddled into Izaya's other side. Shizuo chuckled and turned to face them, wrapping his arm around Izaya's waist. Silly hogging mini Fleas.

Izaya turned his head and leaned closer to give him a goodnight kiss.

"Love you."

"Goodnight, Izaya." The ravenette hummed in approval and quickly fell asleep, neither of the mini Fleas stirring as thunder struck again, already asleep themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Izaya's alarm tone was Internet Friends by Knife party :p It suits him!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one to finish things off!

Shizuo awoke to his alarm, informing him he had an hour before work. With a groan he felt around for it on the bedside table, finding it and hitting the snooze, the machine shattering on impact.

He rolled over tired, expecting to be greeted by warmth and cuddle into his Louse's thin body, instead rolling into a cold patch. Confused he rose his head. There was no one here, not even Izaya's scent lingered. He must have already gotten up. With a yawn the blond stood, noticing the lack of the extra furniture. A little concerned he quickly dressed, finding none of the Flea's clothes there. Had Izaya left him? Panicked he rushed out to the lounge, finding no trace of any Flea or mini Fleas. They were gone.

The blond froze before his body began to move itself. Shizuo ran to the first place he thought of, dashing out the door and through the streets towards Shinra's. Had he fallen asleep and had a time-skip or something? Hopefully Shinra was where he had always been and could explain. Celty jumped out of his way as he rushed past her into the house, yelling an apology back to the shocked headless girl.

Shinra jumped as Shizuo threw the door to his in-home practice open, Izaya also jolting as he sat shirtless on the doctors table with a large bruise on his chest. His ribs stick out and stomach sunk in, looking severely underweight and beaten.

"Izaya!" The scarlet eyed informant froze as Shizuo wrapped him in a tight but gentle hug. "I'm sorry for whatever it is I did just please come back! I love you so much."

"Ummm, Shizuo?" Shinra asked looking confused, having taken a step back looking worried.

"W-wha?" Izaya looked genuinely terrified and completely baffled. Shizuo pulled back and a new realization hit. Izaya hadn't run off, he'd just come back to his universe and not the other one. That was a pretty obvious conclusion now he was fully awake and calmer.

Relived he let the ravenette go and remembered his duty to fix things for the other Shinra and to get his mini Fleas back. It would take time but he should start now.

"Shinra, give Celty back her head, it won't make her lose her memory or anything. Use it as an engagement ring thingy." Shinra looked to be in complete shock, but Izaya was still in a worse state, trying to speak or process the madness.

Then Shizuo kissed him, straight on the lips, making the informants red eyes widen and rendering him frozen. Then he left, just like that Shizuo walked out, leaving a shocked Shinra and stunned Izaya trying to figure out what the fuck had just happened. With a bright smile he walked home, giving Celty a kind wave which she retuned before going to find Izaya in some form of coma and Shinra unable to speak.

 

§-seven years later-§

 

"Congratulations! Two boys." Shinra passed the second blood covered baby to Shizuo as it cried for the first time, the first baby already finished being cleaned and passed to Izaya. Tears leaked from the emotional raven haired man's eyes as he took the tiny boy from Celty's arms, a huge smile and happy laughter hitching. She grinned back with full lips and went to help Shinra close Izaya back up.

Shizuo smiled down at the now quiet baby in his arms, admiring the tiny child in adoration. The blond looked towards the floor as his pant leg was tugged on, crouching down so Ezukieru could see his new baby brother while the other two slept soundly in the next room, watched by Kasuka. The small seven-year-old looked at the new baby in amazement, having had the guts to stay in for Izaya's C-section without complaint while Shizuo was struggling not to fell queasy.

The blond kissed the young boys head and stood back up by Izaya's side, kissing away the shining happy  
tears the Flea let slip from his bright ruby eyes.

"I love you." Izaya smiled at this and kissed him.

"Back at you, stupid monster."

What a perfect paradox.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked! Remeber to Kudos!


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